


Secret

by n0tan0nym0u5



Category: GOT7
Genre: Angst, Anorexia, Attempted Sexual Assault, Depression, Insomnia, Kunpimook Bhuwakul | BamBam-centric, M/M, Recovery, Self Harm, Shitty Writing, famous got7, secret, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-25
Updated: 2018-08-30
Packaged: 2019-02-12 07:12:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12954057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/n0tan0nym0u5/pseuds/n0tan0nym0u5
Summary: BamBam always did a good job keeping his secrets. That is, until one day somebody caught him.





	1. prologue

"Good night <3." BamBam captions his post, and then uploads it on Instagram, eager to read the new comments that would soon flood his post.

He refreshes the page after waiting a couple of minutes, then looks at the sudden burst of comments he had gotten.

BamBam smiles a bit as he scrolls through his comments, which most were positive.

_"Oppa~~~~~~~~~~~ good night."_

_"Love you bambam."_

_"good night bb."_

_"my husband!!!!!"_

Then he stops at this one certain comment.

_"ew wtf ur kinda ugly." 63 likes._

BamBam taps out of the comment section and takes a good, long look at his post.

It was a photo of him on his bed, hugging a pillow.

BamBam presses his lips together then continues to read the comments, and some were getting even more unpleasant as he goes.

_"this, kids, is got7's visual hole."_

_"jyp shouldn't have let u debuted in got7 sorry not sorry lmao."_

_"Why r u so pale ew."_

_"did you get fatter?"_

At that time, BamBam stops reading. He was still very sensitive to those hate comments even though his mom had warned him that was one of the downsides of being an idol.

But it still hurts him, and each comment lowered his self-esteem ,just by a little, as he continued.

BamBam doesn't even eat full meals anymore, he had spent more money on make-up than ever, and he tried to tone himself down to display him as less irritating for his haters. What was he doing wrong?

He hated how he always overthought everything, and it wasn't serving him any good. In frustration, he lets out an annoyed huff and tosses his phone away from him.

If BamBam wasn't mistaken, the amount of hate comments he was getting was increasing, and he felt terrible.

He flops down on his bed, and thought about what he was slowly becoming.

BamBam hasn't eaten anything in a couple of days, nor slept.

He just wants to run away from all the hate, but it was always prying on him. Everything was slowly destroying him, and worse of all,

_No one in GOT7 had noticed._


	2. Chapter 2

"BamBam, that's like, your third time weighing yourself."

"What's wrong with that?" BamBam asks his best friend, Yugyeom, with an irritated glare.

"No need to keep weighing yourself, you're already thin enough. C'mon, let's not keep manager-nim waiting," Yugyeom takes BamBam's hand and drags him to where the other members were waiting for their photo shoot.

They walk in silence, but suddenly Yugyeom stops. "Hey, why is your hand shaking so much?"

"...I'm cold."

"You live in Seoul. And it's July."

"Well-"

"Yo, come on you guys! We're about to shoot!" Jaebum yells from a distance. "We know, hyung!" both Yugyeom and BamBam yell simultaneously.

-

As BamBam shakily walks to the seat where he, Mark, and Jackson were supposed to pose, Yugyeom pulls Jaebum aside.

"Hey, do you think that BamBam has gotten so much more skinnier now?"

"I thought I was the only one who noticed," Jaebum furrows his eyebrows. "Do you think he possibly has..." Yugyeom can't get the last word out. The fact that his best friend might have such a serious disease frightened him, and he had done many google searches, and every single one of them pointed out that BamBam  _ might _ just have anorexia.

"Honestly, I don't believe so. He just did a vlive of him eating," Jaebum sniffs, but it sounded like he was trying to convince himself. Yugyeom gulps and opens his mouth to say more, but then the photographer called them over.

Jaebum could not help but keep thinking about it, his heart beating faster. He didn't want to believe that his lovable dongsaeng might have anorexia. When he saw how BamBam would always ask whether or not he was skinny, or almost always avoid dinner with the rest of the group, his suspicions rose.

He couldn't believe it. He won't.

When Yugyeom agreed, Jaebum felt like his heart shattered. What he had said about BamBam's vlive calmed him just a tiny bit.

He decided that he would go and check on BamBam, and privately converse with the others about BamBam's supposed condition.

-

Nothing can escape Jinyoung's sharp eye, and BamBam's fiddling was no exception.

He knew that was  _ not _ normal, and once the photo shoot was over, he immediately pulled BamBam aside.

"What the hell was wrong with your body? It kept quivering the whole time."

"I'm not shaking."

Before Jinyoung could say anything, Jackson yelled out, capturing everyone’s attention.

_ “ _ Guys, manager-nim is treating us tonight! Let’s change quickly, it’s 6!”

“See you later, Jinyoung,” BamBam says quietly, which was so unlike him, and leaves.

-

“BamBam?”

“Hm?” he looks up, and Youngjae is there. “You seem quiet nowadays.”

“Nah, I’ve just been tired lately.”

“Oh? Get enough sleep then, Bam. It’s so strange to see you not say anything.”

BamBam smiles, and doesn’t reply.

-

The van dropped the seven of them off at their dorm. All of them would always hang around the dorm, the place where their friendships have flourished, despite that most of them had moved out.

“I’m gonna use the bathroom. I ate too much spicy food,” BamBam excuses himself before leaving.

“He’s so  _ untalkative _ lately, I wonder what’s going on,” Jackson muses . “Yeah, I thought so too,” Yugyeom agrees, and silence fell over them. “He said he’s okay, and he’s not the type to lie, so don’t worry about it,” Youngjae says, but he doesn’t sound so sure himself.

-

Mark passes by the bathroom, and he notices that the light is on, even when it was around 2 in the morning.

He opens the door, which was somehow not unlocked, and his eyes widen at the sight.

BamBam was hunched over the toilet, putting his finger in his mouth, coughing and gagging as he finally got the liquid to enter out of his body.

And everything became crystal clear.

_ He was so invested in it, he didn’t even realize that Mark was in front of the doorway. _

Mark couldn’t process this all immediately, and was so shocked, scared, surprised, undeniably upset, protective, and a bit betrayed, and when BamBam finally looks up, he freezes.

Only two words ghost from his quivering lips. “Get out.”

And Mark does, having no confronting lines to say, leaving the both of them in complete tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you guys have been here since I started to write this, you may have noticed that I changed things up a bit. I hope you like this version, it is honestly not gonna change anything in the original plot. Also I think my writing got a little rusty but overall I was satisfied enough to publish it. Sorry to keep people waiting, I had finals and couldn't find the motivation to write it, nor the creativity to complete the plot, but today I finally did it :')) Thank you for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so so sorry that this took so long, I have exams coming soon and I really have to study :(( This will be in a hiatus till late June~

How necessary did Mark find it to just into the bathroom when he was busy trying to lose weight?

BamBam sighs as he stuffs another sleeping pill into his mouth. He wasn't a drug addict, he could assure you, but anything but staying awake seemed nice at the moment.

What if Mark chooses to tell the rest of GOT7?

That one thought made BamBam sick, and he threw up. 

And soon enough, darkness began to envelope him and pull him into a deep sleep, much to his relief.

The first thing BamBam did was go to the bathroom and throw up some more, this time making sure he locked the door.

When he left the room, he joined everybody else in the kitchen, where he repeated to himself that he will be okay. He was not as much as half prepared for whatever came at him, but he took a deep breath and prayed anyway. “Morning guys,” he yawns, and his eyes could barely meet the ones of Mark’s. Much to his surprise, his friends greets him back and started to joke around.

BamBam felt like a thousand pounds has been lifted from his shoulder, much to his relief.

“Food,” Jaebum offers, holding a cup of noodles in both of his hands. “We got another interview in 20,” Jinyoung alerts the group, and they all nod.

BamBam smiles nervously and slowly draws some noodles into his mouth, his stomach churning.   
“You fine, Bam?” Jackson asks, petting the younger.

BamBam nods, with empty eyes. “Yeah.”

They continued to eat as the rest of the members chatted about their next comeback.

“Interview in 5,” Jaebum alerts his members as he glances up at the clock. “I suggest you finish your food fast.”

“Goddammit, why is our schedule so packed?!” Yugyeom scowls as everyone laughs at the maknae’s discomfort.

BamBam couldn’t really hear anything but the pace of his heartbeat, but for every second passed, BamBam’s anxiety grew that they might ask him questions about his health.

He doesn’t have problems.

There’s nothing wrong with losing weight.

Right?

“The van’s here!”

Snapping out of his thoughts, BamBam turns to see their usual black van.

They rush out the house, but BamBam calmly walks down, not feeling so good anymore.

“You going to hurry?” Mark shouts at him through the doorway.

BamBam nods, shifting uncomfortably. As Mark waited, he made it by him until he got pulled back.

“Don’t think that they’re not going to know soon,” Mark sighs into his ear, making BamBam shiver. “I don’t want to hurt you, but I’m afraid that you’re going to hurt yourself.”

BamBam could only nod some more, swallowing bitterly.

What nonsense.

He wasn’t hurting himself.

BamBam is sure of that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A literal shit chapter, it's a filler but hopefully next chapter will be more interesting! Thank you for reading~~


	4. Chapter 4

"come and get it, we are got7!"

"it's truly a wonderful experience to have you all here," the female interviewer smiles brightly, flashing her red lipstick. she didn't notice bambam holding the sign of his korean name in a nervous and twitching manner, who he had been hoping he had looked well enough for the live interview to hide his "problems", as mark had discussed.

meanwhile, the other 6 had been paying very close attention to their friend, feeling sick in their stomach as bambam had looked even whiter and nervous than ever before.

"alright, you will all answers 10 each member, if you don't mind. we had hand picked fans' questions, mostly the ones who had the most asked."

bambam felt bile rise up to his throat when she had said that. he wasn't sure if he was well enough to last the interview, making him even more nervous. as if yugyeom had read his mind, he reaches out his hand and squeezes bambam's hand. when he looked towards his best friend, his heart softened at the sight of yugyeom's bright smile.

"okay! jaebum, do you plan on cutting that mullet anytime soon?"

jaebum chokes as the rest of the members laugh, ruffling his hair. 

"no?" he replies, and smiles as a crimson red washes over his face. "i just dyed it."

"cool! mark tuan, are you really planning to leave got7?"

an immediate silence washes over the kpop group as they looked at the interviewer in disbelief.

the questions got even more crude after mark had replied, "i'd never dream of it."

the final straw was when it was bambam's turn, who had been sweating the whole time, feeling lightheaded

"bambam, you look like a pile of white bark. are you good?" she announces from the card, and bambam recoils.

she ignores the stream of angry comments that had flooded the live after those words.

"by so, i was also curious. you do not look healthy at all! it's very unattractive and you are going to attract loads of negative attention-"

"that's enough!" jackson shouts angrily, grabbing bambam's hand as the words flooded through his brain mercilessly, echoing as black dots cloud his vision. the six began to angrily protest against the interviewer, who looked smug the whole way.

the bile reached the top of his throat, and bambam pulls free as he runs off screen, to somewhere, some place other than this hell.

he runs to the bathroom and leans over the seat, throwing up everything till he could not throw up some more. he places a hand on his wet face, and he was so caught up in everything he couldn't even feel that he was crying, sobbing, surprising him.

the faint calls of his name rang out throughout the stalls, and bambam quickly flushes as he runs away from his members. he wasn't ready to face them after all that drama.

he ran.

and he wouldn't stop till he saw no one.

and perhaps, maybe that was his biggest mistake when he collapses, panting heavily as sweat drips on the cement floor, and his heart freezes when he hears several footsteps, far too heavy to be any of his members.

"pretty boys like you shouldn't be alone," an unrecognizable, deep voice calls out, and a cold hand clamps onto bam's shoulder as fear refused to let him move.

_"we're about to have a lot of fun, boys."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> where have i been?   
> i'm super sorry, i've been busy with school and after it had ended, i went on vacation overseas so i could not bring my laptop :( i was also very uninspired and not very motivated since i had trouble with writing  
> but anyways, this is reaching towards the end~~  
> thank you so much for the kudos and hits, you guys keep me going! love you all!


End file.
